is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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