so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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