WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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