thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
