how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
