"it" just moved
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
