dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
