cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
