I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
