I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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