I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
