He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
