just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
