In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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