i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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