I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
