so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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