Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
