i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
