i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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