Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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