I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
