You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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