Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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