I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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