are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
