i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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