sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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