I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
