Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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