So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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