Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
