On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
