she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
