i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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