No more Irish car bombs ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
