Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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