I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
