TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
