whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
