Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
