What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize