Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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