is wine microwaveable?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize