She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
