All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
