Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
