Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
