I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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