please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
