C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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