I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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