Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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