Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
