Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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