Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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