It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
