I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
