the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We got so high we made milksteak
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
