Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
