I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
