At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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