I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
