You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
