i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
