Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
