my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
