i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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