Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
