The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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