I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
