i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
