so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
