I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
