i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
