really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
