Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
