There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
