I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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