FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
