Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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