Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
