If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's rum buckets o'clock
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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