You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize