Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
