Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
