The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
