she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
