The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
