Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
