She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
