pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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