I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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