all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize