Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
