She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
