If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize