Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
