i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Life is so much better after having sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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