every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
