matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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