Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
