I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
