her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
